28/04/2026
What I've Been Up To
God, how are we here? Money is a nightmare, the world's on fire. I'm getting into strength training and meal prep in between massive world events - how about you?
But anyway, I've been up to this and that recently. I've gone for a couple of walks. I've done some op-shopping, and picked up a few... interesting books. Mostly for fanfic research. I don't know why I'm more motivated to read a yellowing, ancient guide to architectural styles rather than one of the handful of new and well-recommended novels sitting on my shelf, but there you go.
I've also been chipping away at the Fallout fanfic! I've definitely worked it up into something big in my head, with the feeling that it needs to be Amazing in order to be good, so that's put up some roadblocks. Once again I need to stop caring, and stop overthinking, and just have fun with it.
But what if nobody likes it? So long as I have fun writing it, that's what matters. I'm very fond of the characters, which is good.
You know what, here's some art as a teaser, since I'm doodling along as I go.
Once again not a hundo percent happy with it, but we're trying not to care.
You know what could be fun? Since I'm posting the fanfic on this site, I could use that to insert pictures, or share my research somehow, because it feels like I do nothing but research for these things. That, and editing. I swear, I definitely spend more time editing than I do writing/drawing.
Okay, here's an idea. What about a 'fanfic research section'? I could post summaries of all the stuff I used for research, in a way that can let other people use it too. Like I bet I'm not the only one writing a fallout fic right now, right?
I've noticed I'm also hesitant to read other people's OC fics for Fallout. Is this just a me thing? I often avoid reading fics for fandoms I write for, just in case it skews my perception of the source material, or the vision of what I want to write in my head. Maybe I'll read some when I've finished my own. But then again it might give me a better idea of what I want if I can see other people doing it slightly differently.
Unfortunately, accuracy matters to me. I saw a novel that was a FO4 fic with the barcode scraped off - 'Nick Something-Else, Robot detective'. And like, hell yeah, get that bag. But I don't wanna read that, either, because it's not accurate! I am insane in many small ways.
I reckon buy-in has a lot to do with it. You're bought into the game because it's your character, but also annoyed because it forces you into a certain character - so there's a desire to write your own, or in better games, document your progress. I think it's also the nostalgia. Maybe the fic with your OC's will only ever be interesting to you.
Thus if you're not being self-indulgent, what are you even doing?
It's like... trying to cook your dinner to the standard of a professional chef, to the point of cooking things you don't want to eat.
It's hard though, because I think my high standards are also my motivation for writing - because I'm not getting exactly what I want out of something already available. To use the example, it feels like I happened to be craving, just as an example, a "grilled barramundi with sundried tomato cream and basil, served with roasted pumpkin and steamed greens with cumin spice and citrus oil" - so the effort required is a little higher than fish and veggies, which probably tastes just fine.
Like... I want to have a story with structure. With events, and new scenes and locations, and things happening to people. Things that matter. And people doing things that matter. And cool Fallout stuff, new monsters and characters that feel true to the world. So I guess that's the real reason my standards are so high.
If I could accept an imperfect story, maybe I'd just play the game again. Hell. I bet a lot of people do.
But for me, rather than writing something small, I want to patch the gaps in the walls by rebuilding the house, so to speak. The cracks are too foundational! We need to start again - and even if I fuck up, I will have greater sympathy for how hard it is to build a house.
Anyway, apart from all that, I made taco mince this week. I also bought a candle as an indulgence. Candles are good. I highly recommend them.
